Glee S6 Ep9 “Child Star”

Spencer sees Alistair in the hallway – reading and wearing a beanie like the sensitive soul he is – and freezes up. Instead of talking to him, he takes out his romantic frustration in the choir room, singing “Friday I’m in Love” by The Cure because he’s sensitive too, okay?

We get a first-rate Teen Movie Montage during the song, as Spencer heart-eyes himself into a near diabetic coma whenever Alistair is around. He picks up his books! He does sit ups without a shirt! Is this boy made of stone?!

The group likes the number, but a love song isn’t really Bar Mitzvah material. Maybe he can pick a new song – do something with Jane and Roderick?

Spencer doesn’t want to work with a quitter and Roderick calls him a dick again.

I’m very close to shipping it, not gonna lie.

It’s the night of the Bar Mitzvah and a glittery Myron promises the headliner will rock, and the speeches will be boring. But first up: Mason McCarthy!

Queen’s “I Want To Break Free” is thematically perfect, and the chain link fence/leather jacket combo sets the tweens screaming in a heartbeat. It’s easy to see why because Billy Lewis, Jr. rocks the number, earning every shriek.

From the wings, Madison is not a happy camper, but Jane’s on board, particularly when he strips off his jacket and throws it in her direction.

Spencer, are you taking notes?

Mason’s a hit, signing notes for grandmas and at the song’s end, running into Jane’s arms. He’s clearly feeling the freedom of his solo!

Later, Madison finds him getting changed. Instead of another crazy fight, she compliments his performance and the two reconcile. Maybe it’s time for her to cut the apron strings and let some more people in his life – even that stage hog, Jane.

Side bar: I would have chosen another sticking point for Madison, as Jane as barely sung since early on and frankly that’s ironic given her reason for not staying at Dalton. Just saying.

Oh no, crisis!

Myron has become caught in the yellow box hoisted above the stage! It’s stuck on a thing or something and Myron goes on in five minutes! Sue tries to send Spencer up the rope, but he says Roderick has to do it. Spencer then says dick like forty-six times in an attempt to get Roderick to climb the rope, and I honestly assume that gas leak from “Puppet Master” is back.

Kitty: “Can’t we just get a ladder? There must be one around here somewhere.”

I love you Kitty.

But no! Roderick must climb the rope to save Myron at Spencer’s behest and solve at least two plot points at once! Roderick slo-mos up the rope to everyone chanting “do it! do it!” and to the surprise of no one ever, saves Myron.

Yay!

A rescued Myron is hysterical and might have pooped himself; he is temporarily unable to go on! Whatever will we do?!

Friends again, Roderick and Spencer and Jane go do “Uptown Funk” by Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson and I don’t care about anything except the fact that Samantha Marie Ware is singing.

Post Glee, Noah Guthrie and Samantha Marie Ware should gift us with an album, let me just throw that suggestion out there.

The number is a huge hit, getting everyone out of their seat to dance. Ah, the power of funk and friendship.

Will calls Sue "Susie Q" and makes this entire scene worth it.

Will calls Sue “Susie Q” and makes this entire scene worth it.

Because they’re about to go on, Will is leading a rehearsal of Sue, Sheldon, Sam, and Rachel for their dance number. Things are…going, but Sue’s had enough. Will tries to pep talk her but things dissolve into yet another Sue diatribe against Will.

Frankly, it’s exhausting. No new material is offered until Will calmly fights back. He calls her Susie Q. and she loses her damn mind, throwing him to the floor.

Side bar: No really, the best part of this scene is Will’s amusement at her insults and the way he says “Susie Q.” Because the rest of it was pointless, unless the point was that Sue’s losing her damn mind.

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