Glee S6 E4 “The Hurt Locker Part One”

Sue travels to Carmel – which looks like McKinley but with less threatening signage – where she meets with Principal Gunderson. Who, it is revealed, is the sister of one Principal Figgins (and Iqbal Theba in a blond wig)! Sue is shocked by this development – and we learn Principal Figgins’ first name is Principal – because of course – but doesn’t waste time

Sue reveals her drone footage as Principal Gunderson gasps in shock over Will’s betrayal. It looks like Sue has a friend in Bizarro Figgins!

Keeping up the spirits of Glee Club is getting tougher and tougher for the co-teachers.

Keeping up the spirits of Glee Club is getting tougher and tougher for the co-teachers.

Rachel calls together the Glee Club – all four of them – who seem to be shrinking in the large room. They are ready to start practicing for Invitationals, which lucky for them doesn’t require them to have more members or apparently a plan until the last-minute. Rachel plays a flourish – badly – on the piano and Jane claps politely. Rachel gives a speech meant to inspire them but at the conclusion both Kurt and Roderick have one thing to say.

They’re screwed.

Deja vu! Will storms into Sue’s office to yell at her for doing things behind his back. Now his job is on the line! Part five hundred and seven!

Sue smugly launches into a no-breaths-taken deconstruction of everything she hates about Will, his life, his teaching, his face, and his hair, and basically summarizes every insult over the past six years.

Yes, she’s been putting pee in his Minoxidil. And why? Because she won’t rest until he’s homeless and drinking gutter run off.

At some point during her insults, Will begins to smile. Seems that Will has heard about Sue’s retirement plans (Becky Tweeted it), and he’s going to make sure that Glee Club is a permanent fixture at this school long after she’s gone.

Remember when he told Rachel a few eps ago he’d lost his fire? I think somebody just found a whole new vein of anger to propel him on.

Janitor Principal Figgins is scraping gum off the bottom of the auditorium seats while Kurt asks him to please clean the place up (Kurt, he’s doing that). Figgins’ rant about kids today is interrupted by Blaine, who is looking for Rachel and Sam. Seems Figgins spotted them in the courtyard, sharing a warm pretzel with honey mustard and some longing glances. Another red-hot Glee Club romance seems to be heating up.

So over each other. You should double date.

So over each other. You should double date.

And with that note, he’ll leave the ex-lovebirds alone.

Blaine throws himself into one of the seats and Kurt wisely notices something’s wrong. Good call Kurt! It seems Blaine is huffily upset about the “Dave’s dating everyone in the Midwest with facial hair” thing, and also right, they’re cousins.

Kurt: “Wait, what?”

Kurt assures Blaine that he and Dave are not related in any sort of universe, even the crazy-ass Glee one. Clearly Sue’s trying to break them up so they’ll get back together.

The good friends take a few moment to pshaw this entirely. Sure they were each other’s first loves! But now they are adults and have moved on! They’re totally fine with that! And being good friends!  And other exclamation-punctuated phrases. In fact, Kurt is going out with a guy tonight, and Blaine is fabulously okay with that, so long as this guy knows he has a date with the most eligible bachelor in Ohio. He is so okay, he immediately collects himself to leave.

Yay adult behavior!

They exchange yet another painfully awkward hug – you guys, most hugs don’t include near misses with your mouths, FYI – and Blaine leaves. As soon as he’s out of sight, Kurt’s smile fades and he blows out a deep breath.

You guys are totally rocking this friends thing. Four stars.

At the piano, Rachel seems to have overcome her issues. She’s tickling the ivories when Sam enters. The lessons are paying off and Rachel is grateful for Sam’s help in keeping her calm. No biggie, says Sam. There’s nothing she can’t do.

He starts playing the familiar opening notes to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton and soon we are swept away into a recreation of the original video – and a romantic fantasy for Sam and Rachel.

They sound lovely together and when we’re back from our ride across Lima on a moving piano, they share a look and then…kiss.

Uh oh!

Run Rachel! Run!

Run, Rachel! Run!

The next day, in the hallway, Rachel takes Sam aside. She hasn’t been able to stop thinking about their kiss.

Sam: “What kiss?”

Rachel rambles as Sam’s eyes glaze over but at the end of her speech, she asks if he’d like to go for coffee some time.

A date.

Sam turns her down, because he’s still in love with Mercedes, leaving Rachel confused and alone in the hallway.

Until Sue and the creepy music appear, gliding over the screen as Rachel’s face squishes into something confused. Do you hear the creepy music, Rachel?

Sue goes to the locker room where Sam is playing housekeeper. She hypnotized him again, and this time he’s to break into Will’s mailbox and steal his utility bill. Awesome!

At what I assume is Breadstix (since they have no other restaurants in Lima), Kurt is waiting for his internet date nervously. An older gentleman comes by and Kurt politely asks for a bottle of sparkling water before his guest arrives, and oh! Awkward, it’s Walter.

He would know Kurt anywhere, thanks to his picture, while Kurt would also know Walter from HIS picture, if this were thirty years ago. Apparently Walter is fifty mumble mumble years old, having spent most of his life married to a woman and having (now grown) kids. He’s newly divorced, newly out, and he quite likes Kurt.

Walter is a nice guy – he feels thirty on the inside! He has an Instagram! (HotCupofWalter) And oh, Kurt’s face can’t decide if it wants to fall or fall off. But Kurt doesn’t want to be rude, so he agrees to Walter’s idea of them just being together as friends, no expectations.

Side bar: Harry Hamlin’s Walter is awkward and enthusiastic and reminds me of a Dave Karofsky who never came out and then married a woman to maintain his “cover” as a straight man. Just thought I’d point that out.

Oh Will! Pressure on all sides! Who will you choose!? (I think I know.)

Oh Will! Pressure on all sides! Who will you choose!? (I think I know.)

At his quaint condo, Will returns home to find Sam cheerfully breaking into his mailbox. Rachel, he tells his former teacher, told him to steal his bills, in hopes that dealing with creditors would throw him off his game. Will is shocked – he and Rachel are friends! A fact she reminded him when she asked for VA to throw the invitational. Sam confides in him that Rachel is pissed at Will, for a litany of things including “Run Joey Run.” She’s been playing him the whole time, says Will! For like six seasons!

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