Glee S6 E4 “The Hurt Locker Part One”

Stage time! Kurt, Rachel, and Blaine are meeting up as the Warblers frantically warm up on stage.

Saucy!Blaine has arrived and wants to go over the rules for the Invitational. His guys are going second and btw? They are totes taking this seriously. Kurt tries to point out they don’t need to adhere to strict show choir rules, and when Blaine interjects with how demoralizing this might be for their fledging group, Rachel pipes up with a request. Maybe he could go easy on them?

Nope. Don't let this bow tie fool you.

Nope. Don’t let this bow tie fool you.

Blaine: “No, no. No way. Absolutely not. Nobody is going easy on nobody. Nope.”

I feel like he’s leaning towards no thank you on that one.

Side bar: Rachel looks shocked because I guess she thought Blaine was Blaine of Old, the Yes Of Course! Blaine, but he’s gone. And Kurt? Did you just smile a tiny bit?

This exchange is interrupted by a text message from Dave. There’s an intruder in their apartment!

Blaine runs out, followed by Rachel and Kurt, and this really is like an episode of Scooby-Doo.

At the Rainbow Brite apartment, Blaine and the gang open the door to find a high-pitched and frantic Dave standing on a table, waving a chair in the direction of the bedroom.

He thought he was going to die! This immediately cues the three of them to run into the bedroom while Dave screams for them not to.

And the intruder is…a bear cub, laying out on the rainbow striped bedding. Blaine has no clue why anyone would do this but Kurt? Kurt has an idea.

Side bar: Dave’s shrieking, “Why is there a bear cub in here?” might be my new ringtone.

At Breadstix, Rachel and Sam are enjoying the finest in Italian fare while discussing the problems of moving home. How do you keep from going stale? In her free time, Rachel cries and watches a lot of Patti Lupone’s Young Artist’s Master Class while clutching stuffed animals. Sam blows glass.

His point is: they have to develop their outside interests. Like, what is something she’s always wanted to do? Rachel says, “play piano” and Sam falls into the hypnotic state. That’s his dream too! They should totally do it, together. He’ll get Blaine to teach them – he owes Sam for all those times he shaved Blaine’s back in NY! That image aside, Rachel agrees.

And even though this isn’t a date, it’s the first time she’s spent time alone with a guy in a while and it’s nice. Same for Sam; he hasn’t dated since Mercedes. Not that this is a date…

Side bar: I would like to offer up the fact that Sam and Rachel were out together before the hypnotic trance took hold. Ahem.

Kurt goes to confront Sue about the bear. Fun fact: Dave is attracted to bears of the hairy gay male variety, not the other kind that she left in his bed, which would be dangerous and insane.

He reiterates that he’s moved on from Blaine. In fact, he has a date with a guy he met on the Internet named Walter! Sue is concerned that Walter is a cannibal because frankly, if it were up to her, she would feast on the fine marbled roast that is Porcelain.

Kurt leaves but Sue isn’t giving up. She’s got her heart set on that big fabulous gay wedding in Provincetown with Becky as the officiant. (The first problem with that idea is how many f bombs Becky would drop, I’m just saying.)

Teacher Blaine will make a virtuoso out of you! In two easy lessons!

Teacher Blaine will make a virtuoso out of you! In two easy lessons!

Meanwhile, back on the busy stage, Blaine is throwing down some Beethoven to his new students Rachel and Sam, both of whom look a little intimidated.

They are really so grateful for his help. Brad the piano player was considered but then Sam found out he has a scrapbook of women’s feet.

Rachel points out she’s not a total novice. Her dads put her in lessons as a child, but then she got bored and quit.

Blaine: “Huh, that is so unlike you.”

Side bar: Blaine seems to operating as Good Guy Helpful Blaine with a side order of snappy comebacks and complete disinterest in backing down. The last time we saw this side of him he was wearing red Muppet fur and leather pants in “Diva.”

The lesson is interrupted by Sue, who descends – literally – from the rafters with the help of Becky. Blaine wants to reschedule their lesson and when Rachel protests, Sue prompts Sam to send Blaine on his way and go after a flustered Rachel himself.

Becky two-snaps her approval of Sue’s Bitchery and I think that’s as good a cue for a song as anything.

Jane Lynch takes on “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks, and how the heck hasn’t Sue sung this song before? As she skulks through the halls, singing and terrorizing students, we are treated to the full treachery of this woman. Popping out of lockers or singing from Rachel’s desk drawer, Sue is unapologetic for her behavior. Reorganizing the things on Emma’s desk? Licking Rachel’s lunch? She’s Godzilla and McKinley is her doomed city.

Back at Breadstix, it’s date night for Blaine and Dave. Blaine expresses his admiration for how far Dave has come since high school. Aw Shucks, says Dave before being interrupted by a large fellow in flannel. It’s an old boyfriend, who is promptly introduced to Blaine. How nice! Suddenly the old boyfriend’s new boyfriend enters and turns out to be another old boyfriend’s of Dave.

Got that?

“Dave!” is suddenly the buzz word of all the diners, as we realize that the restaurant is filled with every ex-bear of Dave’s in Lima.

Blaine: “What the hell is going on here?”

Oh, hey Sue!

She took the liberty of inviting all of Dave’s exes to dinner tonight, but wait! That’s not all! Apparently through genetic testing of hair found in their washing machine lint trap, Sue has discovered that Blaine and Dave are third cousins, descended from a Philadelphia watch maker!

Sue: “Have a wonderful evening. And just remember. You’re about to have sex with a family member.”

In the choir room, Rachel is trying – and failing – to get the hang of Blaine’s lessons. It’s too much and she wants to give up. Sam arrives just in time – he gives her encouragement to keep trying. He tells her to close her eyes and use his hands as the piano keys, calling out notes, which she follows perfectly. When she opens her eyes, they share a moment and it’s clear Rachel is starting to feel an igniting of some affection of the romantic kind.

Side bar: Sam is too nice a character – no matter who you see him paired up with you think, “Man, he could be really good to you!” Are he and Rachel meant to be? Or will he return to Mercedes?

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