Glee S5 Ep19 – “Old Dog, New Tricks”

Kurt’s got a new role! Retirement home ringer!

Glee’s penultimate episode is a bit of a surprise, with momentum halting momentarily as Chris Colfer (Kurt) pens “Old Dog, New Tricks.” Author and screenwriter Colfer lends his talents to Glee, writing an episode that gives us a struggling Kurt, lots of cute old people, and dogs. Many, many dogs.

With Rachel’s reputation in tatters after Broadway bloggers discover her cardinal sin of skipping a performance to attend an audition, she needs someone to shine a better light on herself. She sits in the diner with her friends – including Kurt who is trying to drum up a buddy to go matinee’ing with, but alas recording studios and rich ladies beckon Santana and Blaine – while panicking. How can she let people know the real her?

No worries – Snix to the rescue! Master fixer Santana offers to play publicist and help Rachel remake her image. As she extols her virtues, Rachel’s attention is captured by a fellow diner patron stuffing her designer dog in a hand bag. Forgetting she’s trying to spread good Rachel Berry PR, she marches over to give the lady the what-for. With so many dogs in desperate need of homes, why is she treating her pet like an accessory?!

Bad pet owner: “Screw you! PETA!”

Rachel sits back down grumbling, but suddenly lights up with an idea. She knows just what her cause will be!

At the diner, Kurt is approached by a sweet lady named Maggie (Academy Award Nominee June Squibb), who would like to put up a poster for her assisted living residence’s production of Peter Pan. He agrees and in return she notices he looks like the “saddest doughboy in town.” Kurt doesn’t want to bother her as he’d rather just bottle it up until the next episode of “Long Island Medium,” but Maggie asks again and Kurt’s an opened dam. Screw you people waiting for cheese fries!

Kurt thinks everyone in his life has moved on with him, making him the mom, only kept around to tell them how talented they are. If only someone would throw him a bone! After dumping his problems in her lap, Kurt realizes she is THE Maggie Banks, star of the biggest flop in Broadway history, which excites him. Helen Keller the Musical seemed like a good idea at the time… The orderlies from Maggie’s home arrive to take her back – she’s a runner – but she invites Kurt to visit them in rehearsals since he doesn’t have a life. Such a nice lady!

Side bar: Didn’t he have this crisis in “A Katy or a Gaga” and solve it by starting a band with Adam Lambert and Demi Lovato? Weren’t we told in “Tested” – by Kurt – how confident and in control he was feeling? This feels weirdly out-of-place, particularly after last week. Kurt thinks he has a spot in Blaine’s showcase for June.

At the outdoor dog rescue facility, Rachel (accompanied by Mercedes, Sam, and Artie) gets a tour from one of the workers. They do their best, but these pups are rescues and not always easily adoptable. It’s the hardest part of his job – what happens to the ones they can’t find homes for. Rachel pitches her benefit idea – Broadway, money, saving dogs. It’ll be amazing! The rescue guy is on board and we have an image-upgrade to kick off!

Sam and Mercedes coo over a dog, which Sam wants to take with him. They should get a pet! No, Mercedes says. She has her hands full taking care of Sam – something that doesn’t sit quite right with him.

The dogs start freaking out, which rescue guy usually combats by piping in music. Sadly the PA is busted, but never fear! Sam’s started bringing his guitar everywhere with him and he’s more than happy to lead a group song!

Sam: “John Mayer says you always have to have your guitar with you 80% of the time.”

He goes with Modern English’s “I Melt With You” because what else would you sing to a kennel full of animals?

Chord Overstreet, Lea Michele, Amber Riley, and Kevin McHale sound great. Let’s put in a vote for more 80’s music on Glee, okay?

They frolic with uncaged dogs as they dance about – very cute, very fun. And Sam discovers his pet soul mate in a scruffy little dog…

Back at the Bushwick Loft of Okay I Give Up – Who Lives Where?, Santana is unveiling her PR campaign for Berry. “Broadway Bitches” is about to get their first exposure. Rachel, in a designer dress (so posh the name hardly has any vowels!), will take a few destitute doggies on a walk, where paparazzi will happen upon her. She’ll pose for pics, give a quote, and boom – they are on their way.

Kurt comes home and gets the 411 about their grand plans, including the upcoming benefit, where she, Santana, and Mercedes are performing. Kurt asks for a part in the production – after all, One Three Hill is on hiatus because Elliot is on a yoga retreat and Dani is a roller derby queen.

Side bar: Remember when Santana was dating Dani? Me neither.

Rachel just wants to keep it the girls while Santana insists it’s because Kurt would pull too much focus. This is about Rachel! Kurt takes this badly – no, he hasn’t it made it big like the rest of them, but it would be nice after all he’s done if someone would just throw him a bone.