Glee S5 E2 – “Tina in the Sky with Diamonds”

Prom! Everyone have their holy water?

We get cute prom poses to the rocking beat of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” sung by Unique, Ryder, Jake and Marley. They have the costumes, they have the enthusiasm and they have a fun vibe. The crowd rocks out and we’re off to a good start. This, of course, means nothing at McKinley.

Tina and her dateless entourage arrive. She’s radiant in a fab designer dress and poised to conquer the room. At the punch bowl, Nurse Penny and Sam share a moment and then another and after exhausting the full quotient of cute flirting allowed by law, wander onto the dance floor holding hands.

Bree and Dottie confer on the Bad Things Being Done to Tina plan. Extra shards of ice Toledo Slushee – ready to go. Dottie remembers a viola lesson and tries to dodge her future bad deeds but Bree is having none of that. There’s no way out of the Dark Side now, Dottie.

Sue congratulates New Directions on doing the impossible – making her hate the Beetles.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Glee becomes “Carrie” – yes, the horror movie as high in the rafters, a strategically placed bucket of red Slushee, with an ominous rope trailing down, waits. Oh no, this isn’t going to end well. Let’s hope no one gets burned to death by telekinesis!

The prom court comes on stage and Sue announces the winners. King Brett the Stoner! Queen Tina Cohen-Chang!

Tina happily takes her crown and flowers, basking in the applause with Stoner Brett at her side. Kitty, in the wings, notices the bucket and Dottie and has a terrible slow-mo scream of anguish as she cries, “Noooo” in warning. But alas, it’s too late (stupid slo-mo) and that red Slushee from Toledo falls on Tina’s head.

Hey Tina, at least it’s not blood? And also really glad you can’t kill people with your mind.

Stoner Brett gets knocked unconscious by the falling bucket and everyone laughs heartily. Tina runs off stage in hysterics as her faithful band of Glee friends rush after her.

In the choir room, Tina is devastated. She just wanted one night, one time to be that girl, that popular girl in the spotlight. Blaine – speaking for the hive – tells her she has two choices and everyone will follow her lead. They will take her home or they will help her clean up and walk back in there. If she wants to be that girl? Be that girl. They have her back.

Kitty gives Tina her dress, the girls clean her up with towels, the boys give her her tiara and flowers, as Blaine leads them in a gorgeous rendition of “Hey Jude”. Blaine, Tina, Sam and Kitty sing lead – and clearly we have a new grouping that should get more air time because they sound amazing – as they walk triumphantly down the hall. If Tina walked in first with her “votes”? Now she’s reentering with her friends, who have her back through thick and thin.

Sidebar: New Directions proves again they are as solid a group as you could have. They love each other on good days and bad and always – always – form a solid wall to protect each other. The lack of infighting makes this crew something special.

The next day, Coach Roz drags Bree by her ponytail – literally – into Sue’s office. Seems she’s discovered who was behind the Slushee’ing and despite it being hilarious, there must be consequences. Sue doesn’t remember a Black Cheerio but whatever. It seems like she has a use for someone so devious and evil. The New Directions crew needs a nemesis in order to bring their best game – and she needs them to win Nationals. So Bree is now head Cheerio and in charge of terrorizing the NDers into success! See, this is why she couldn’t fire Penny for sucking at her job – Sue is positively horrific at hers.

Sidebar: NeNe Leakes needs exactly two minutes to steal a scene. I timed it.

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