Glee S5 E2 – “Tina in the Sky with Diamonds”

Mr. Schue finds Sam playing guitar in the choir room. Apparently? The Beatles are NOT the best band ever, because they never wrote a song about a formerly homeless ex-stripper who can’t seem to keep a woman. Wow, what is that about Paul McCartney? Sue arrives to call them names (Samgelina Jolie is going on the “best ever” list by the way) and announce that she is striving for perfect attendance from here on out – which means everyone in the school is getting vaccinated pronto.

Sam needs to check for a black rain cloud overhead because he’s needle-phobic and seriously. Worst. Week. Ever.

Back at NYADA, Rachel has volunteered for piano tuning duty. Between that and her insistence she’s happy for Santana beating her in booking the first gig – well Kurt is concerned about her mental state. Where’s her mojo?! As for him, yes, he’s engaged but he’s not pining all his future happiness on it (someone’s gotta be able to afford rose petals and marching bands okay?). Time to get back to business of being fabulous.

Our first Hummelberry duet of the year!

With the aid of extras and a ton of pianos, Kurt and Rachel jump into “Get Back” and rock the room with some energy. See? This is what your besties do for you. Feeling down? Feeling obsessed with your first Broadway call back? Time to dance on a piano!

Ohio! Student nurse Penny (Phoebe Strole) is practicing putting needles in a holiday sausage. Sam trips in and they share some charming chit-chat (Sam nervously breaks into an impression which she finds funny) – we quickly realize she is Female Sam! Quirky, adorable and probably not the person to be in charge of sharp objects. Despite her cuteness, Sam is still panicked about needles and he trips out the door. 

Prom is basically anarchy at McKinley. And the New Directioners are still perplexed at the highjinks.

Prom is basically anarchy at McKinley. And the New Directioners are still perplexed at the highjinks.

Dottie is back as Tina’s assistant, giving her poll numbers (not good!) and coffee (no caffeine – it will be hurled!) as they walk down the hallway. What’s this? Kitty’s spike in popularity must have to do with the wallpapering of her pic (well, her head photoshopped onto Olivia Munn’s body, Maxim 2011). She confronts Kitty, who is completely shocked. She didn’t do this, she swears. The rest of ND shows up and makes disapproving faces; they storm off in a collective cloud of disappointment as Artie tsk tsks his girlfriend.

“Why does no one believe me? Right, the habitual lying.” Haha. Kitty tears down the posters of her angrily.

Santana gets her chat on with Dani at the Diner of Dreams. Dani pretends to not be a lesbian, Santana gets flustered, Dani admits she’s a lesbian, Santana gets happily flustered. They trade bits of history before turning the flirt eyes up to eleven.

This scene would be a full ten if they didn’t slip some biphobic comments about Brittany in there – which, uncool and irritating. Santana broke up with Britt over distance, they both moved on and that should be it. It was never about Brittany being bi and it shouldn’t be now.

Santana, meanwhile, is panicking because Dani is cute and a real lesbian (as opposed to the imaginary ones she was apparently dating in the past) and she doesn’t know what to do. Rachel – as newly minted captain of the Dantana ship – thinks freaked out Santana is adorable and she should totally ask Dani out. Santana agrees – then nervously walks in the other direction.

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