Glee S4, Ep16 – Feud

So it's Bye Bye Bye to the strange bromance between Will and Finn.

So it’s Bye Bye Bye to the strange bromance between Will and Finn.

There are some relationships on the rocks in Lima and New York City, as the Mercury Retrograde causes everyone to get cranky. And you know, since this is Glee, sing about it.

“Feud” pitches some familiar friends and unexpected foes into action, with great songs and some unexpectedly effective choreography. Who will be victorious? Who is going to learn a lesson?

The answers are surprising.

We open – on the strains of dramatic rhythmic music – on Artie, flanked by Tina and Blaine, as they address Will and Finn. Since Finn admitted he kissed Emma, things have been strained between the two men and everyone’s noticed. Cue flashbacks of Will making Finn his lackey and then criticizing the way he gets lattes, whether or not the sweater vests have been cleaned properly, and then Finn losing it when Will fake compliments Ryder to make him lose his mind. There’s even music stand kicking. Things, my friends, are serious.

So Blaine – writing “Feuds” on the white board to show the gravity of the situation – says they’re giving their fearless leaders an assignment. In the musical tradition of feuding, they will select and perform a mash-up featuring a famous musical clash between groups or performers to help them explore and resolve their differences. Regionals are coming and they need everyone on the same page.

In New York, Santana has taken Rachel to the doctor and good news! It was a plot point, not a pregnancy! Rachel is relieved, and happily going to move on from this little bump (so to speak), but Santana disagrees. Can Rachel not the see the writing on the wall? She’s a hot mess. It’s time to stop and reevaluate a season’s worth of questionable life decisions, and a good place to start is Brody.

Meanwhile, somewhere in a swanky hotel lobby, Brody is pretending his name is Gunnar. He’s nervous as he navigates a room full of hot older women. He tells a fellow suited young man that he’s just doing this for tuition money. A beautiful woman catches his eye and she approaches him as Marina and the Diamonds’ “How to be a Heartbreaker” begins.

It’s a shame Dean Geyer got stuck in a mid-game ship role because he sounds terrific on this number, singing and dancing to a fabulously choreographed number of seduction as he, the beautiful woman, and other “couples” tango their way up to the hotel rooms for an exchange of sex and money. Lonely in the loft, Rachel sings a few lines of the song – clearly she’s having doubts about him and her feelings, despite her repeated protests to Santana.

Back in Ohio, we enter Sue’s Lair, where she is juicing defenseless vegetables while gently reminding Young Burt Reynolds – aka Blaine – that he joined the Cheerios back in December but has been absent from practice since…December. Blaine politely informs her they only joined for one day because they thought Glee Club was over. Sue produces a thick contract and assures him that he, Blaine Devon Anderson, signed and agreed to the terms and conditions, most of which are cheering indentured servitude. Blaine insists he didn’t sign the contract, and thank you but no, he’s too busy with Glee and Student Council. But Sue won’t back down. She needs him to hoist up beautiful girls for Cheerleading Regionals and that’s that. Tina speaks up (a great visual reveal as we don’t even realize she’s in the room until now), but Sue shoos her away with a “maybe Lance Bass is available” to be her next boyfriend. Becky arrives with Blaine’s uniform and an offer to help him put it on, and the message is clear – Blaine is a Cheerio whether he likes it or not. Blaine, however, won’t be bullied into agreeing. Then Sue lets loose with the threats. Something bad will happen to him if he doesn’t say yes…

In the McKinley High library, Ryder is using the computers to chat with his new online friend “Katie,” who according to her picture is cute, blonde, and so perfectly ideal that there are already klaxons of concerns wailing in the background. She wants to know about school, and hoo boy, does he have a story to tell.

Apparently Unique doesn’t much appreciate Ryder bestowing an unwanted kiss on her girl Marley and messing with the Jarley dynamic. They have a hallway confrontation, and Ryder takes the Path of Ignorance by questioning Unique’s he-or-she identity and things slide downhill from there. Katie encourages Ryder to use the Glee Club assignment to resolve the issue with Unique: sing out their aggression.

In the auditorium, Will and Finn try to decide on a song to sing. This quickly dissolves into Will kicking Finn when he’s down; he helped him because he pitied him and Finn repaid his trust by doing the most terrible thing ever. I would like to point out that Mr. Schuster is now officially the most immature person at McKinley.

At the Loft Where Everyone Lives, Santana notices Brody’s stuff is still around and rags on him some more. Rachel assures her that Brody explained he got a job as a cater waiter, something he was ashamed of, and that’s all that was going on. They fight some more about Brody’s truthfulness but really, Santana’s point is that Rachel isn’t Rachel anymore. Her choices in men, her choices in everything. And her psychic Mexican Third Eye is never wrong. Rachel still doesn’t have any answers for Santana’s challenges. Santana, meanwhile, steals Brody’s pager while he sings in the shower.

Next up? An enraged Blaine confronting Sue as her plans for “something bad” have come to fruition. His gift of hair gel is apparently cement (hilarious sight gag as he raps on his rock hard helmet), taking out credit cards and a home loan in his name via identity theft, but the pinnacle of fury-inducing acts? A sign flown over McKinley that proclaims “Blaine in on the Bottom,” which is probably the raciest thing said on Fox ever. It’s not true…not really…and Blaine is D.O.N.E. done. It’s officially a feud between them, and this week there’s only one way to solve that.

Sue isn’t fazed. She read all about the assignment on whogivesacrap.biz and fine. Nicki Minaj (who Sue will sing, due to her Trinidadian roots) versus Mariah Carey, winner decides whether or not Blaine has a future in red polyester.

At the lockers, Marley and Jake are fighting over the Ryder kiss. She shows a remarkable amount of backbone by owning up to leading Ryder on a bit, and poking Jake about his own reaction to a situation like that. In the end, they exchange I love you’s and reaffirm their commitment to each other. He wants to ice Ryder out, but Marley refuses. If they really love each other, it shouldn’t matter if she talks to Ryder. Wow, there’s some serious maturity going on with these new kids! Maybe they’ll rub off on Will at some point.

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