And Here’s What You Missed on Glee!

Or rather it was “I Don’t”!

Everyone ready for “Girls (And Boys) On Film” – tonight’s big episode of Glee?!

We’re back from hiatus (again) and ready to find out the aftermath of the very exciting “I Do” episode. And in case you’ve forgotten any juicy details, here’s a quick primer for what you need to know.

With it’s recipe for success – romantic holiday, long-anticipated wedding, old friends, old flames, potential flames, hook-ups and great music – “I Do” promised a fun filled hour. And some people got that. Others, not so much.

Okay, here are the stats:

Actual vows exchanged – Zero. Emma had second thoughts (flames fanned by Sue) and pulled a runner from the chapel. The reception went on anyhow, thanks to Emma’s parents who were celebrating the non-nuptials.

Hook-ups:

Kurt and Blaine – in the backseat of a Prius and in a hotel room. Status: “Just Friends” says Kurt, as Blaine and the audience titter quietly in the background. We’ll wait, we’ll wait.

Artie and Emma’s niece Betty – She’s spunky and rude, he’s Artie and together they make for good banter and cuteness. They end on good terms, with an exchange of digits. Promising!

Quinn and Santana – What?! Quinn does some experimenting, Santana is glad to lend a hand (twice) and they part as friends, same as always. The perfect hook-up.

Marley and Jake – After some Cyrano’ing thanks to Ryder, Jake ends the evening with Marley in a hotel room, but she’s not ready and he’s a good guy so the hook-up in a no go. Still together. Good life choices teen lovers!

Rachel and Finn – Finn uses the word “endgame” and Rachel talks vaguely about an open relationship with Brody, and they snare a room of their own for old time’s sake. But Rachel sneaks out while Finn is sleeping, a decision that speaks to feeling guilty. Something tells me this isn’t over!

She loves me, she loves me not, we’re endgame baby.

Fights Fought – Tina confronts Kurt over his treatment of Blaine and accidentally lets slip her chest rubbing activities. Kurt utters the phrase “vapo-rape” and Tina runs away.

Making Up – Never fear! By the end of the episode, Kurt has assured Tina that hagdom is a fine and honorable tradition, Blaine is going to get her a boyfriend, and the three look adorable in color-complimentary outfits. Maybe Tina and Blaine can move into the loft with Kurt next year and kick Rachel and Santana out?

Third Wheel Pains – Ryder has just helped his bestie Jake utterly charm Marley with choices of song, gifts and flowers. Just being a nice guy or dying of unrequited love? Well, Marley knows he was behind it all and thanks him. So he kisses her. Um…all she got him was a card.

Surprises – Emma’s dash from the church was shocking. We didn’t anticipate Kurt and Blaine grinding in the back of a hybrid. Santana and Quinn!? But nothing prepared us for Rachel’s back-in-New-York panic over some skipped dates in her planner. Is Ms. Rachel Berry about to be a mommy!? And oh right – why exactly was Brody leaving a hotel room with a wad of cash in his hand?!

Up next, we have the 500th song in the Glee discography and the fall out to “I Do’s” many interesting life choices. Insert dramatic organ music here!