Glee S4, Ep 12 – “Naked”

The Cutest Crop of Boys New Directions Has Ever Seen bare it all to make bank for Regionals.

The Cutest Crop of Boys New Directions Has Ever Seen bare it all to make bank for Regionals.

Glee is back with another new episode – two in a row! We’re getting spoiled here.

We open on Breaking News! A throng of reporters flock around Hunter Clarington, who declares the accusations that the Warblers are juicing to be utterly false and that he looks forward to his day in court, all with charm and dapper ease. Then a reporter asks the question that’s been burning on everyone’s mind – what does he say about the accusations he looks too old to still be in high school?

Hunter doesn’t take kindly to this and attacks the reporter. Oops. Roid rage!

Back in the studio, our old friend Rod Remington declares that Dalton Academy has been stripped of their Sectionals Title by the Governing Board of Show Choirs and that means Lima’s own New Directions will be taking their place at Regionals!

Rod’s co-host Andrea has her own meltdown over the apparent lack of real news covered by the network. After she storms off in a fury, Rod happily concludes he’ll be getting a hotter co-anchor. Also? Squirrel doctors!

There is seriously something wrong with the Lima water supply.

You know who’s happy? New Directions! They have their choir room back and the band and the dry erase board – it’s a good day for ND. Finn welcomes everyone back to cheers and applause, thanking Blam (Blaine and Sam) for their sleuthing skills. But there’s no time to party: they’re weeks behind and still have to raise the $400 for the bus to Indianapolis (“The Paris of Indiana”). He proposes a bake sale since that worked last time, though apparently to have the same success, they’re going to need Puck to spike the cupcakes with weed again. Joe offers to sell his dreads, Sam offers to sell more semen – this is clearly desperation hour.

Never fear, Tina to the rescue! She has a brilliant idea. The Men of McKinley Calendar! Since this is the cutest crop of ND boys ever (Sorry Finn), why not strip ’em down and costume ’em up and make a little cash. Artie would like to sexually exploit the girls too, but as Kitty points out, girls drive the consumer culture. And if they can make Twilight a billion dollar industry, they can objectify the boys of Glee Club on their way to bus fees. Finn is delighted with the idea and puts Tina in charge, which she is really psyched about, as her desire to dress Blaine up as “Sexy Claus” is a clear motivation in all this.

Blaine continues to be confused. And Artie does not look thrilled.

And now? It’s “Fondue for Two”!

Brittany, her co-host Lord Tubbington, and special guest Marley sit around chatting. Fun facts: Marley loves The Hunger Games (Britt wonders if there’s a connection to her bulimia) and might be a pet psychic. Her guesses about Lord Tubbington are wrong, however: no gambling addiction, but he is a slumlord. Frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if that damn cat sold Dalton the ‘roids.

Britt’s main reason in having Marley over is to confront her about Jake. If Jake is brave enough to strip down to his skivvies for the calendar, why isn’t Marley brave enough to share what’s in her heart?

In Figgins’ office, Sexy Teen Imbeciles (Sam and Brittany), receive shocking news. One has achieved the highest SAT score at McKinley and the other the lowest. Sam is excited that his secret genius has come out, but no. Britt – through a skillful application of filling in the dots so they form a clown and a penis – has come out on top, and Sam is testing lower than monkeys. She tries to make him feel better by telling him he doesn’t have to go to college like her (MITT, Stanford and Sons, UCLA at Charles Barkley’s House), but rather can look forward to a career born from his great body. A greeter at Abercrombie, perhaps. Sam is upset…

Glee S4, Ep12 - "Naked"In New York, Rachel has an audition for a student’s thesis film, entitled Come Back to Me, Grandmother: A Journey Into Alzheimer’s. The writer/director, Electra, wants Rachel for the lead! Rachel is delighted – though she doesn’t quite understand the allegories – but slightly less so when she hears she’ll have to be topless.

Rachel gives herself a pep talk: she’s a strong confident woman with great breasts. She can do this. Of course there’s another opinion, and that comes from Old!Rachel, in her plaid skirt and knee socks, showing up to counterpoint the discussion. Expose your soul, not the flesh, as an actress. She doesn’t seem to approve of New!Rachel and her make-up, hair and wardrobe, finding it a little “pornstaresque.” New!Rachel concedes the hair has gotten out of hand…

Well, there’s only one thing to do. Sing about it!

Not everyone can duet with themselves and make a convincing argument for two sides of a conversation, but Lea Michele takes it on fearlessly. “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia is a wonderful vehicle for Lea’s voice, as both Rachels make their case for being right. We see them side by side, and as reflections of each other, dressing and performing and battling for Rachel’s mind. Who’s right? Is all the “grown-up actress” talk an illusion?

In the end? When Electra asks for her final decision, Rachel says yes.

1 2 3 4