Game of Thrones, S2 Ep9 – Blackwater

Game of Thrones, S2 Ep9 -- Sansa and Joffrey

As it nears the end of its second season, it’s time for Game of Thrones to somehow tie up the storylines that have unraveled and developed all season.  The ninth episode, written by George R.R. Martin (the man who just happens to write the book series that it’s based on), mostly addresses the major battle between the Lannisters in King’s Landing (including that little turd Joffrey) and Stannis Baratheon’s crew of fiery red-heads and ex-smugglers. I was a little apprehensive, having read the book and knowing what a challenge it would be to show this battle in a way viewers would understand. That being said, aside from a side-eye moment here and there, it exceeded my expectations and proved itself an intriguing, thrilling watch, even if I knew what the inevitable outcomes.

Game of Thrones, S2 Ep9 -- StannisWe begin with Stannis & Co. preparing for battle, sailing along a murky sea as random men puke and everyone looks super serious. Davos converses with someone who may or may not be his son, discussing how Stannis will rule the iron throne because they have “the Lord of the Light” on their side. Davos seems a bit more reserved about this mysterious god, and who can blame him? If I witnessed a woman spontaneously give birth to a creepy murderous shadow baby, I’d be a little hesitant to support the god who made it happen, too. But, hey, whatever floats your boat (pun intended), Mysterious Man Who Might Be Davos’s Son But I’m Not Sure.

From the cold seas to the Tower of the Hand, we then see Tyrion and Shae sharing a tender moment in bed, reminiscing on their first night together and how they’re going to make love as though it’s their last night on earth. It’s a sweet scene and it’s necessary to have a bit of lovin’ amidst the harsh war plans and the sheer amount of desolation and despair this show tends to pack. Admittedly, I am intrigued by Tyrion’s tendency to fall in love with whores, first Tysha, and now Shae. If this show were a musical, I bet he would have already sung a stirring, acoustic rendition of “I’m in Luv with a Stripper” (replacing “Stripper” with “Hooker”, of course).

In the same castle, Cersei and Maester Pycelle are discussing a powerful potion that can make you sleep or kill you as Cersei gets her drink on next to a windowsill. This woman seems to drink more and more with each episode, to the point where every time I see her, my mind starts playing “Tipsy” by J-Kwon.  Somewhere across the road (or maybe in the castle, who knows?), a few knights have the same idea as their dearest Queen Regent, seeing as they’re also getting drunk, whoring, and singing a surprisingly harmonious song. Bronn finishes off with his smooth baritone and proceeds to tell his nose’s life story while undressing a whore. Everything’s all drinks and songs and titties until Sandor Clegane a.k.a. The Hound walks in and crashes the party. For seemingly no reason, he goes off an another one of his monologues about his love for killing, concluding that Bronn shares that same love. Moral of the story: killing is everyone’s favorite hobby in Westeros.

And, lo and behold, the killing is bound to begin momentarily as the bells begin to chime, signaling the beginning of the battle and the end of the Hound and Bronn’s awkward moment. Tyrion, his squire, Podrick, and Varys are preparing for battle. Podrick dresses Tyrion in his best garb and Varys rambles about his “little birds” and Stannis’s “red priestess”. Varys claims he’s witnessed the dark arts and that Tyrion would do well to fear them, but Tyrion brushes it off and finishes putting on his gear (and we all know he’ll regret not heeding Varys’s warning later).

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