Sherlock, S1 Ep3 – The Great Game

The case is some guy named Andrew West, who was found with his head bashed in on the train tracks.  There’s a top-secret-national-security memory stick involved.  I’m bored.  So is Sherlock, who is putting resin on his bow.  Sad story:  when I first got my violin, I didn’t know you put resin on the bow.  I thought you put it on the violin strings.  Harsh lesson.  Anyway, Watson asks why Sherlock doesn’t want to take the case and, discovering a relationship more passive-aggressive than anything he could ever dream of, he’s instantly intrigued.

Telephone!  Murder!

Lestrade informs them the explosion across the street, which they thought was a gas leak, was not a gas leak, and the only thing they found was something addressed (by a woman, in thick Bohemian paper) to Sherlock Holmes.  Inside the envelope is a phone in a pink case that looks just like the one from A Study in Pink— which Lestrade points out, including the title, because he is a ninny who reads John Watson’s blog.  There’s a message on it with a photo and a bunch of beeps.  Five pips, apparently, which is a warning?  And apparently Sherlock knows where the photo was taken, because he gets Mrs. Hudson to open 221c, which she’s never been able to let because it’s in the basement.  There’s a pair of sneakers in the middle of the room.

Sherlock’s phone rings (number blocked!) and when he answers, a crying woman says “Hello, sexy.”  Sounds like your average Benedict Cumberbatch fan to me.  She says she’s left him a puzzle to say hi.  Sherlock asks why she’s crying, and the woman says she’s not crying, she’s typing, and the stupid bitch is reading it out.  She says he has twelve hours to solve the puzzle or she’s going to be so naughty.

Puzzle solving montage!  Sherlock’s in the lab looking at something through the microscope and his phone goes off, so he makes John get the phone out of his jacket…which he’s wearing.  John looks patient and sighs meaningfully.  That didn’t last long.  The text is from Mycroft, who wants to know if there’s been any progress on Andrew West’s death or the super important memory stick.  There has not, because Sherlock does not care about dead people.  Or dying people.  Or alive people.  For some reason John is surprised by this.

Sherlock figures out whatever he was looking at in the microscope just as Molly-with-thin-lips from the first episode comes in with her new boyfriend, Jim.  Sherlock’s like, “Um, gayyyyyyyy,” which he confirms via Jim’s hair product, visible underpants, and the phone number Jim slipped him.  I’d say his skin-tight v-neck shirt was the first clue, but he could just be a hipster.  Molly runs off crying, but there are more important things to worry about.  Namely, shoes, which he makes John analyze.  Then he makes fun of John’s weakass analysis.  I have never loved him more.

Apparently the shoes belong to a kid who drowned in 1989.  Sherlock remembers the case because he tried to get the police to notice the kid’s shoes were missing, but they ignored him because he was busy offending everyone even twenty years ago.  Meanwhile, John is annoying, so Sherlock sends him off to work on Mycroft’s case.

Sherlock solves the shoe puzzle (the kid had eczema and there was a poison introduced into his eczema cream, which paralyzed him and caused him to drown) and posts some kind of personal ad about the shoes.  Right away the phone rings and it’s the crying woman, congratulating him on a job well done.  Lestrade explains that she would have blown up if she’d said a single word wrong, or if Sherlock hadn’t solved the case, which completely delights Sherlock.  Why is everyone always so surprised when he’s a sociopath?  He’s very open about it.

New message, four pips.  A new phone call comes in through someone else’s phone.  This time it’s a dude, who’s just standing in traffic with a bomb under his jacket.  There’s also a car with blood all over it, which was rented by a Mr. Monkford (the blood is also his).  It looks bad, but it turns out the blood was actually frozen, from when Mr. Monkford donated blood, and the rental car people put it onto the car he rented to help him disappear…to Colombia.  BOOM.  Case solved, dude in the bomb vest saved.

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