Merlin, S4 Ep13 – The Sword in the Stone, Part 2

So last we saw our plucky heroes, they were running away from Morgana and Agravaine with their tails between their legs with Tristan and Isolde who, in a clever twist on the legends, are smugglers instead of being a Guinevere-and-Lancelot-esque pair of forbidden lovers.  I’m sorry, did I say clever?  I meant stupid and pointless.  Arthur and Guinevere hugged and made up after Gwen had suffered the appropriate amount of time for accidental sluttery, Merlin magicked Arthur into Baby Herman, and Gwaine delivered sexy beat-downs in exchange for bread and hair gel.

When we return from the credits, they’re still running from all the fire.  Merlin tells everyone to keep going and says he’s going to just step into this handy phone booth cover their tracks.  When they’re gone, he uses his Dragonlord voice, then looks around like the Dragon’s just going to snap to immediately.  Kilgarrah’s in the tropics getting a deep-scale massage okay, he can’t just show up on a lark.  Eventually he sighs, tells Raoul the cabana dragon to take five, and pops in to roast Agravaine’s men.  I was hoping for Agravaine to be set on fire too, which didn’t happen, but at least I got this screencap for Christmas.  Did I mention this episode aired Christmas Eve?  When I was far, far away from the internet, watching Jeopardy! and eating cheesecake sipping cocoa and singing Christmas carols with my family?  Tip for next season, BBC: one, don’t make such a boring two-part finale, and two, don’t air anything the day before Christmas. Oh, and three, nobody cares about the guest stars unless it’s Alan Rickman or something.  Please stop making us try to give a crap.

In the caves (caves?) Merlin sort of doesn’t really know which way to go even though he supposedly grew up wandering around in these tunnels.  Arthur pesters him with insults and I would really just once like Merlin to turn around and tell him to shut up and look pretty while everybody else fixes shit as usual.  But destiny.

More fire.  The special effects guys must have been hit hard by the economy.  Agravaine and his guys run away from the Dragon in slow motion in a scene that is totally not pointless.

Meanwhile, in the tunnels, Tristan is a busybody nosy bee and asks Gwen why she’s there.  Yeah, Gwen, why are you there?  She starts talking Arthur up to Tristan, who stands in for me right now when he says Arthur doesn’t display very many kingly qualities so could somebody please explain why Arthur is so awesome besides the fact that you keep telling me he is?  And inb4 BUT BUT BUT HE CAN KILL MORE THINGS WITH A SWORD THAN OTHER PEOPLE, that’s not how kings are supposed to be judged— within the framework of this show.  If we’re judging Camelot royalty from a framework outside of the show, I’d like to see how Arthur looks in one of the Queen’s trendy pastel suits and hats.  I think he would be lovely in a seafoam green.

And I was born to haunt the nightmares of small children and the mentally infirm.

Arthur sends Merlin off to distract Agravaine and whichever of his men are not on fire, and Agravaine backs him into a corner.  Agravaine asks him where Arthur is and Merlin says, “Be careful,” then gives Agravaine his best Bitch Please look and knocks them over super hard.  For a wonder, Agravaine does not get knocked out from this terribly vicious attack.  Definitely not a Pendragon then.  But he’s going to have to die anyway, because he knows Merlin has magic.  “I was born with it,” Merlin tells him.

Agravaine lays it out for us: Emrys, magic, deception, why hot pants were once acceptable, the Shroud of Turin.  This guy is on fire.  He tells Merlin they’re not so different after all, and finally Merlin has had enough because he may have his faults, but Merlin GROOMS HIS EYEBROWS DAMMIT.  And so Merlin kills him without even a little bit of hesitation.  Le dead.

1 2 3 4