Merlin, S4 Ep4 – Aithusa

I know where all his "keys" are. Get to play with his "cabinet doors." Serve his "breakfast." Have "sex" with him.

Merlin goes to The Rising Sun tavern and just waltzes into Borden’s room like he owns the place.  Borden gets up in his face and tries to kick him out when he realizes Merlin’s a creeper, but Merlin turns on his sex magic and says he’s the personal servant to King Arthur.

Fan service time!  And what a good fan service it is.  Merlin goes into Arthur’s chambers while Arthur is naked and asleep to get the keys, but all the jangling wakes him up.

Arthur:  Not that I’m complaining, but why are you playing with my keys before breakfast?  I prefer to eat first.
Merlin:  Just having a bit of fun.  Here, let me take your clothes.
Arthur:  Ooh, I like that.  But leave my belt.  I’ll need it later.
Merlin:  Too right you will. Naughty.

Later, Merlin stares at Arthur’s ass while he consults with his counsel members on an issue that requires him to bend over the table.  It is quite obvious to anyone who has ever been both magic and extremely heterosexual that the only way for Merlin to get the key off Arthur’s belt is to pull down his pants, then wrestle with him.  All the counselors just stand around and watch like “oh you.”  You know this has happened before.

Not exactly his first time knocking this headboard.

That night, Merlin sneaks Borden down to the vaults, but won’t go any farther than the guards.  Borden pulls out his sword and says the guards won’t be a problem, and Merlin appears to be okay with him killing innocent people for no reason, but thankfully Borden forgets about it two seconds later and just punches them out.  He finds the third part of the Triskelian in about five seconds and hooks it onto the other two and bravo, he has a Christmas ornament.  Merlin helps him get outside the vaults and Borden asks him if he’s a good liar.  Merlin thinks he’s an awesome liar because he’s fooled Arthur for like five years, but he’s not taking into account the fact that Arthur is basically Mike Tyson at this point.  It’s a wonder he can even talk.  Borden knocks him out and runs off, and the next morning Merlin wakes up half in and half out of the door to the vaults.  Nobody’s even noticed there’s a skinny little ass hanging out the doorway, but really, who’s shocked that Camelot’s security sucks this much?  Not this guy.  Merlin runs back to Arthur’s room to put the key back on Arthur’s belt, but knocks a goblet halfway across the room and bounces across Arthur’s bed to catch it.  Can Arthur sleep through anything or what?  He only wakes up when Merlin gets off of him and starts pretending to look for woodworms again.

The bells conveniently begin ringing as the guards finally discover there’s been a theft, and Merlin gets the Eyebrow while Gaius explains to Agravaine and Arthur that the Triskelian opens the tomb of Ashkena (Askenar?  Ashkenar?).  Arthur decides to go off and destroy the egg, and Merlin looks very sad, la, just another day in Camelot.

Gaius yells.  Whatever.  I’m over you, Gaius.  I’ve been over you since episode 3 or something.  I’m not listening.  Besides, the knights and Merlin are about to go on an adventure and we don’t want to miss all the pretty scenery recycled from other episodes.  I refuse to recap the bullshit parts where everyone’s incredibly cruel to Merlin for no reason whatsoever and won’t let him eat, because 1. it’s out of character for everyone and 2. it’s not funny, but then the scene turns kind of adorable when Sir Leon pulls out a plate of food they were hiding for Merlin.  Okay, knights, you’re not on my list anymore.  While they’re sleeping, Merlin wakes up to someone whispering “Emrys.”  He stumbles through the woods to encounter a group of Druids.  They tell him Borden’s riding East, the Triskelian is not just a key, it’s also a trap, and a bunch of zen legend gobbledygook.  “You will have the thing that is the thing when there are things.”  Fucking Druids.

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