Merlin, S4 Ep4 – Aithusa

Dear Merlin writers,

I know you and I don’t always get along.  You write bad episodes, I mock you, you insult my intelligence, I throw paper at my computer screen and vow never to spend another cent on your show.  But I want you to know, from the depths of my…heart, that after this episode, I forgive you for “Goblin’s Gold.”  Maybe someday you can do the same for “Queen of Hearts,” though that’s going to take a bit of work.  I’m easy, but not that easy.

Love,

Melissa

PS- But don’t think I didn’t notice there are no women in this episode.  We’ll talk about how you can only write good episodes and character arcs for male characters later, when the glow of fanservice has faded and I’m in a less charitable mood.

Anyway.

Sleeping people.  I thought they were knights at first because they’re sleeping through a break-in and that’s a Camelot knight specialty, but they’re not.  A rope appears, and that dude from Battlestar Galactica shows up.  Confession:  I’ve only seen like three episodes of BSG and I know this guy as Tom from Bridget Jones’s Diary.  Yeah, I heard that little sci-fi gasp you just made, but I’m watching like fifteen other shows right now and I know all the important bits of BSG through fannish osmosis.  Please don’t email me.  No, seriously, don’t email me the link to Netflix, I’m only halfway through all five billion seasons of Cheers.

So the dude from Bridget Jones’s Diary— whose name is Borden for the purposes of this episode— is opening a box in a cave or someplace equally dark.  He pulls out a paperweight-looking thing shaped like a swirl, etched with pseudo-magic symbols.  He has another one like it and clicks them together, and turns around to see all the people in the cave staring at him like the Children of the Damned.  He runs away from them, but they don’t chase him, they just walk toward him, zombie-ish.  Zombie Children of the Damned.  Fucking Druids.  He takes one of them hostage and the others say the Triskelian isn’t worth someone’s life.  He completely disagrees and jumps across a big cavern, then rides toward Camelot.

Gaius’s chambers!  A knock comes at the door.  Merlin’s looking adorable, all cozy in his blankets.  Gaius doesn’t look happy to see Borden.  I don’t know why, Borden looks kinda hot when he’s wet and not looking like he’s about to cry (which only happens for about thirty seconds because James Callis’s face pretty much always looks like he’s about to cry).  Borden shows Gaius the Triskelian and blah blah Druids blah runes.  The two of them helpfully explain for Merlin’s and our benefit that the Triskelian leads to a dragon egg, but it needs a third part.  Thankfully, it’s in the vaults of Camelot and apparently has been there for 400 years, but Gaius won’t help Borden steal it.  Merlin wants to go be a baby dragon mama right away, but Gaius’s wig is still set to Sassy and he flounces off.  Afterward, Merlin is in bed with his “I do what I want” face on.  Question:  has he once ever listened to Gaius?

Merlin sneaks out and tells Kilgarrah about the egg, and Kilgarrah is excited because babies!  Everybody loves babies!  Well, except all of my friends.  He convinces Merlin to disobey Gaius and go after the egg, because we don’t know if you heard him the first fifty times, but it’s the last of his kind.  The last of his kind.  The last. of. his. kind.