Glee, S3 Ep1 – The Purple Piano Project

Oh Glee, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: Kurt Hummel. Blaine Anderson. Santana Lopez. Rachel Berry. Oh, I could go on and on. But I won’t, because this will likely already be a lot of rambling. What I will say, though, is that those four names work as a disclaimer of sorts. If you don’t like them you might have issues with my recaps because I LOVE THEM, and though the others have their moments these four are my favorites (in that order). Although I am far from blind to their failings, I may not see as many as you see. I’ve seen enough of this fandom to know people are a bit crazy with their hate. Just warning you.

This episode really might as well have been called “Exposition, Exposition, Exposition” because it’s basically the episode where the writers decided the show needed a bit of a rehaul after the complaints over last season, and that meant we needed a lot of info (like, I don’t know, what AGE EVERYONE IS) shoved at us so they could just get to the pretty new stories they have in mind for this year. Jacob Ben Israel — the school gossip — is definitely the man to do that. In the first five minutes we find out that:

Tina and Artie are the only original members of New Directions who are not Seniors this year
Finn has no idea what he wants to do with his life
Rachel and Kurt are now BFFs and plan to apply to Julliard together
Sam’s father got a new job out of state, because Chord Overstreet was butthurt that he didn’t get upgraded to a series regular
Mercedes has a new man in her life (who is really kind of creepy). His name is Shane, though they didn’t tell us in the ep.
Santana and Brittany are both back on the Cheerios.

Yes, that was literally the first five minutes of the show.

First slushie of the season goes to Finn, who is just as confused and dim as ever. Then the scary bit happens . . . Will and Emma in bed together. And not just that, but Will actually uses the words “Guess who woke up before I did”, clearly refering to his penis which, OMG DNW. I’m sorry; I don’t mind Will or Emma, but I also don’t really care, and thinking about Will Schuester’s penis is not something I really wanted to do less than 10 minutes into the show. I think I may be scarred for life. To be honest, the best part of this scene was the bit where the credits went directly from “Chris Colfer” to “Darren Criss”, and other than that and the fact that Will and Emma have Superman and Wonder Woman lunch boxes, I don’t think there’s much left to say about them.

In the Choir Room it’s time for catch up for anyone who might be new to the show (unlikely as numbers were way down this year, ouch), or anyone who might not remember what happened at the end of Season 2. So you know, they lost Nationals, which they blame on Rachel and Finn kissing during a number. Honestly, I think they really need to start thinking about how they wrote two lackluster songs only days before the competition as being at least half the reason. Apparently the school hates them even more for having lost at Nationals, which I honestly didn’t think the students at McKinley cared enough about the Glee Club to even have registered that they went. Maybe Miss Pillsbury’s banner got them some attention?

Even though the group ended Season 2 with one more member than they actually needed, they’re apparently down this year. Lauren Zizes is out because as much as Ashley Fink is awesome sauce, she can’t sing or dance very well, which kind of makes her useless for ND. Quinn is apparently MIA. And of course Chord’s still pouting in his corner. So! It’s time for another attempt at recruitment (which always ends so well), and this time there are purple pianos on board, courtesy of some guy named Al Matta. Will’s going to randomly move these pianos around the school (aren’t there stairs everywhere at this school? Thank goodness Sue paid for those ramps in Season 1, ey?), and the kids are meant to perform in some way to get attention of people interested in joining the club every time they see one. That’s not going to upset the haters at all. Kurt’s on board though, and ends up climbing onto one of the pianos, so I am now a fan of this plan. I’m shallow and Chris Colfer lying on that piano is hot. Sue me.