Merlin – Series 2

Something shirtless

Look at you, coming back for the second season!  Gee, it’s almost as if something, I don’t know, drew you back.  Something unstoppable.

Let’s have a brief recap of Merlin, series 1, before we move onto the rest.  When we last saw these characters, Arthur was recovering from nearly being killed by a giant lizard, Guinevere was realizing she sort of didn’t mind Arthur (as long as he wasn’t wearing any clothes and was too sick to talk), Morgana was having a dream about dragons yelling Merlin’s name, Uther hated magic, Gaius made a half-ass attempt to take responsibility for his actions, all “No, no, Merlin, Nimueh should kill me instead because I— well, all right, if you’re going to be all brave about it then, fine,” Merlin lightning-magicked Nimueh, and Nimueh exploded into tiny bits of smiles and artfully-torn dress.

Onto series 2!

Episode 1:  The Curse of Cornelius Sigan

Girl, you better not let Marilyn Manson see you like that. He will slap the shit out of you.

If this is the first episode of Merlin you’ve ever watched, let me say:  welcome!  And also:  sorry.  You must be so confused.  You heard how fun and sparkly and unicorny this show is, and how at the end of the first season Merlin and Arthur were on the verge of confessing their beautiful love to one another in a field of flowers, and then you watched this episode and were like, “Wait, did they break up?  Did Merlin confess his magic and that’s why Arthur suddenly hates him?”  Oh, little new watcher.  It kind of breaks our heart how innocent and trusting you are.  You have faith that the writers pay attention to continuity, and characterization, and plot, and words.

Anyway:  there’s a room full of treasure that formerly belonged to Cornelius Sigan, and there’s a curse.  There’s always a curse, and nobody ever pays attention to it, and then suddenly you’ve got a giant QVC-ass Titanic jewel that makes people wear feathers and black contacts.

The viewers suddenly became uncomfortable and weren't sure why.

One of the pirates from Pirates of the Caribbean shows up, only this time he’s actually a con man named Cedric looking for the treasure, and he manages to take over Merlin’s job in about five minutes.  Not hard to do since, as we mentioned, Arthur is now quite literally using Merlin as a footstool.  Something has changed here and we didn’t see it.  The writers said they wanted a “series reset,” which I guess means we’re going back to a place where Arthur and Merlin had a bit of an alternative relationship.

Naturally, through the shirtless cluelessness of Prince Arthur, Cedric the Interloper finds and steals the Titanic jewel, and becomes possessed by Cornelius Sigan, an evil sorcerer who put a piece of his soul inside an object which is surely not similar to any other stories we might have heard of recently.  Merlin tries several ways of getting rid of him, most of which involve sassy cat fights while Arthur looks on.

Since Merlin and the Dragon didn’t end last season on the best of terms, Merlin is really really not interested in asking his advice, but after Cedric/Cornelius starts twirling around in his feathers and bringing stone gargoyles to life, Merlin goes down below the castle to have a chat.  The dragon is not all about giving away something for nothing and demands to be busted out, and Merlin is all insincere like, “Yeah, totally, I got you.”  The dragon gives him the spell and Merlin does that thing where he looks like he’s having an orgasm while he receives it.  As the audience is recovering, he goes off and yoinks Cornelius Sigan’s soul from Cedric.  The soul enters him and he does orgasm face again, and we’re all just going to have to get used to this orgasm thing I think.  His eyes go black and we think maybe he’s gone evil or whatever, but psych!  He’s just messing with us.  And Gaius, who is like three breaths away from a heart attack.  Uncool, Merlin.

Meanwhile, the redcapes are trying to clean up gargoyle droppings so Uther won’t get mad, and Arthur suddenly notices Guinevere has boobs.  Or he has a concussion; it’s always hard to tell with Arthur.

Welcome back, Muuuuuhlin fans!