Doctor Who, S6 Ep3 — The Curse of the Black Spot

TARDIS go bye-bye

This is what happens when you put a banana in the TARDIS’ tailpipe.

After a close call with a nail, Doc and Cappy make it into the TARDIS, apparently having just thought of that (they probably should have tried it about 15 minutes ago).  Unfortunately, the TARDIS engages its Plot Deviceâ„¢ and goes haywire.  They abandon ship-within-the-ship just as the TARDIS dematerializes before their eyes in a greenish, unusual kind of way.

After Beardybeard Jr. gets a little stabby with one of the scurvy seadogs, another crewman says “Screw this!” and runs off to start looting the ship.  Arms loaded with treasure, he locks himself in a dark chamber and burns his hand on a match he’s lit.  A green light pervades the room, and he’s gone. The Doctor bursts in, screwdriver blazing, and investigates how the green chick got the greedy pirate in a waterless room.  The truth is soon discovered… it’s not water she comes through, but reflections.  Mirrored surfaces.  She’d have a field day in the Liberace Museum.

The Doctor sets about breaking all the windows and mirrors and chucking treasure into the sea, eliminating every reflection in sight.  They return to the magazine, where Amy, Rory, and Beardybeard Jr. are waiting patiently. Oddly, there’s no sign of the crewman that Toby (that takes less time to type than Beardybeard Jr.) got stabby with.  I suppose we should presume he wandered out of the magazine while The Doctor was breaking windows and got himself disappeared.

Amy decides to catch a few Z’s, which would be a lot easier if that lady with the eye patch would stop talking long enough for HEY WAIT A MINUTE.  Yup, last week’s mysterious cycloptic visitor is back, seemingly dispensing psychological advice whilst peering through hatches that aren’t there. “You’re doing fine,” she assures the unconscious Amy. “Just stay calm.”   Easier said than done when SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOU SLEEP BY PEERING THROUGH A PORTAL THAT SHOULDN’T BE THERE.  And we are once again stuffed with bread crumbs, their trail continuing to lead us deeper into the dark woods.

Up on deck, gazing up at the stars like a couple of nervous teenagers on a first date, The Doctor explains to the Captain just what it is that makes his adventures worth having, and reminds us why we love this show so damn much: What makes a journey special is having someone to share it with.   I think there’s something in my eye. Suddenly a storm whips up, and the chilly Captain asks Toby to fetch his coat.  Unfortunately, Beardybeard happens to be hiding the last piece of treasure in that coat, and the Siren seizes the opportunity to come screaming out of it, turning Toby into a cloud of black coughing tween-age smoke.

Suddenly The Doctor realizes that this is a family show, and if a child explodes he can’t really be exploded because that would be an awkward family conversation at the dinner table after the show.  Also, Rory gets knocked into the water and is drowning.  The Doctor decides that the only way out of this is to roll some huge-ass dice and gamble on the idea that whatever is happening to the crew is something less deadly than death.  They all prick their fingers, get their black spots, and are whisked out of existence…

Dead Alien


…and back into existence.  A different existence.  Ahh, finally… at long last, here comes the science.  A spaceship trapped in a temporal rift is occupying the same space as Beardybeard’s ship.  They explore the ship to find it populated by dead monsterhead aliens wearing SWAT armor.  Notably (or perhaps not), this armor has the initials “D.I.H.S.” emblazoned upon it, leading us to wonder if this is a ship from the future, or if the TARDIS (yes, here is where it disappeared to) is providing some kind of translation, or if the costume department decided to borrow some duds from their peeps over at CSI: Manchester.

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