Into the choir room, where Marley is whispering to Jake and Mr. Schue is counting students. For the first time in months, he realizes he’s a few people short! Are Joe and Sugar there? Yes they are! It’s a nod to the fact that these background students have been absent for so long they clearly need more than a doctor’s note. But it’s competition time and you gotta have 12! Welcome back, hardly used quirky fun people.
As Mr. Schue is announcing the set list (which includes an original Marley Rose song), Brittany enters fresh off her trip to MIT. She wants to know if there’s room in the set list for her classic original song “My Cup,” and then proceeds to pull a diva trip that makes both Santana and Rachel look like kittens playing with yarn. She wants all the solos and for people to stand behind her and sway. Then she breaks up with Sam via text. While he’s standing in front of her. Next? Nailing her Cheerios resignation to Coach Roz’s door. Apparently she’s a genius AND may be starting her own religion!
Brittany, as she sets fire to her uniform in a garbage can, is spiraling at a more rapid pace than usual.
The choir room is over her diva departure and onto the next thing: Ryder’s increasingly obvious Boy on the Brink attitude. Taking a page from Brittany, he throws down an ultimatum of his own. He won’t perform at Regionals until his secret love reveals him or herself. He asks semi-nicely but as no one speaks, he starts to explode. There’s even furniture kicking. As Kitty points out, no one wants to share at the moment, for fear of being murdered.
All attempts at calming Ryder down go nowhere, and he yells until Marley stands up. She’s the Catfish.
Ryder is shocked. He asked, she swore it wasn’t her… Jake stands up to defend his girlfriend, and insists it was harmless. Hurt, Ryder stalks out of the room. And we’re back down to ten folks in Glee Club.
To lighten the mood, Blaine and Tina go engagement ring shopping! Tina indulges in a little bit of “if you were asking me,” while Blaine reminds her he is shopping for his beloved Kurt. She winds her arm in his and declares Kurt “so lucky” as a nice saleslady gets their attention. Hey, it’s legendary television star Patty Duke! In Lima, Ohio! This is very exciting…
Those are engagement rings, she points out – which is good, says Blaine, because he wants to get engaged. Patty Duke does a quick PSA about wearing a condom as she assumes Tina’s knocked up, but Blaine whips out his Gold Star Gay credentials quickly. He wants to propose to his boyfriend, not his lady sidekick – well, his ex-boyfriend, but it’s a long story and he loves him okay? Patty Duke nods a lot.
Apparently she’s got Blaine-speak down pat; she asks him about his man, and Blaine lights up like Christmas and Valentine’s Day in one at the chance to talk about Kurt. While Tina rolls her eyes and goes to browse in the “Why Am I In Love With A Gay Guy?” necklace section.
Patty Duke goes down the Klaine checklist – is he your soulmate? Yes! says Blaine. She takes him to another counter, offering up her own story. She met Liz at a Styx concert and they’ve been together ever since. Apparently she’s deviating from the Burt Hummel line of questioning, though, because it doesn’t matter how young or how old you are. True love is true love! And they are so close to having legislation that tells them they are able to be just as crazy and wonderful as everyone else when it comes to getting married. This lady is clearly jockeying to become Blaine’s fairy godmother!
Before they can get much further, enter Sam! Okay, he loves Blaine, and he’s going to help him do this and pick out the ring…Patty Duke wants to know if this is the beloved.
“No. He wants to do me but we’re just friends,” says Sam helpfully. Tell me his best man speech isn’t going to be awesome.
Patty Duke aka Jan takes Blaine to yet another corner away from yet another weird friend of his. She wants to know if he has a mentor – someone gay, who really understands where he’s coming from. And as he doesn’t, she’s volunteering. Blaine sparkles, and she sparkles back, and now I have this idea that Jan is Isabelle’s aunt and their life’s work is being awesome to Blaine and Kurt and nurturing them into adulthood.