Meanwhile, in New York City…
The Rachel Reinvention Tour continues, deep in the Valley of the Shadow of Cassandra July. She continues to hate on Rachel, insulting her dancing, her lack of sexy and pretty much anything else she can think of. She also basically refuses to teach Rachel so you know, maybe it’s not just the water in Lima that makes for crap instructors.
Fishnet stockings and anger management issues – Cassandra July is next up for Teacher of the Year.
Bestie of all besties Kurt is there for her though; they’ve taken their act onto the J train and moved Hummelberry to the Bushwick section of Brooklyn (more sketchy than hipster) in an unfinished loft that’s big enough to ride bikes in but has no walls, kitchen, bathroom or much of anything else. No worries, I’m sure they’ll magically appear next week! Any who, over Dominos and wine, the dynamic duo discusses the lack of Finn communication in her life and her school predicament. Wait – did Rachel say Cassie July is her dance teacher? Kurt perks up with some timely exposition (and a flashback!). Apparently Cassandra was the “it” girl on Broadway until she had a caught on camera meltdown, attacking a ringing cell phone owner with a bat during previews. Little known fact: producers frown on this kind of publicity. Now Cassandra is a NYADA teacher, bitter alcoholic and meanie head.
Rachel’s answer? Well, she is a McKinley High grad – time for a song!
Rachel Berry! What if your dads saw what you were doing to that furniture!?
With some help from Brody (who owns no clothing with sleeves apparently), Rachel hits Ms. July with a Bob Fosse choreography inspired version of “Oops! I Did It Again”, complete with table humping and red lipstick. Shazaam! Our little girl is growing up and Brody is enjoying his front (grope) row seat. Cassandra July is slightly less impressed. She throws a barb or seven, Rachel responds with a “Hey, Jealous Much!?!” and boom, worse than detention.
Cassandra kicks her out of class.
Life lessons suck, thinks Rachel. The downward spiral is entirely involuntary for her, though. And she didn’t even get any Cheetos.
Growing up is hard but Rachel is getting it done. With an apology to Cassandra July and everything, though there isn’t a whole lotta warmth from teacher to student (and a weirdly naughty moment of Rachel helping Cassandra stretch – Faberry shippers, raise the alarm!), and they don’t break into a duet of mutual respect and understanding. Cassandra is there to teach her to accept criticism and people freaking out on you and general emotional manipulation by the people who are there to guide you. (And Rachel thinks, “Wait, do you know where I went to high school?”) Lesson learned…ish. Cassandra can’t actually kick paying students out of her class for either truth-telling or ass shaking so Rachel is back. On probation. And must now hand wash the dance belts by beating them on a rock down by the East River.
Tough love, definitely feeling mean.
Rachel needs someone to help her be sexy. Brody? Can we bother you for a second?
Back at the world’s largest, least expensive New York City loft, there still isn’t furniture but Hummelberry is busy ineffectively painting the walls. Kurt has one brick done and Rachel is drawing hearts with the word “Finn” in the middle. Oh Rachel. I know it hurts but…but…Kurt thinks they need cake. Stat.
There’s a knock on the door and Kurt is hoping it’s the magic cake fairy but no, it’s Brody with an orchid. Kurt would like to stand up for his stepbrother here but damn, that boy is cute. He disappears into the night to find baked goods while Rachel eyes Brody warily. Because damn.
Brody makes a smooth move, slinking across the floor and moving into Rachel’s personal space. He likes her, she likes him, why don’t they make some beautiful music together? Alas no, Rachel is holding on to two-months-gone Finn and ducks his kiss. Skirting the edge of romantic interested guy versus stalker, Brody backs off. But PSA for Rachel Berry: Every time they’re together, he’s going to be thinking of kissing her.
Enjoy the orchid heavy with metaphor and innuendo, Brody’s heading back to the J train and civilization.
As Marley sings sadly from Ohio, Rachel is seen back in Cassandra’s class (while Brody gazes at her longingly) and then painting over Finn’s name on the wall.
Oh Rachel.
This season of Glee seems to be about change – good change, bad change, natural change, and change enforced on you by television writers. I have a feeling we’re in for some more of our favorites free-falling before things get truly upbeat for anyone.
We’re all going to need tissues for sweeps one way or another.
Tere’s Episode Round-up:
What made me laugh: The ever-growing size of Brittany’s snack containers, ending with a Pop-Tartesque treat the size of her torso.
What made me sniffle: Not a Finchel fan but there was a twinge when Rachel painted over the heart and Finn’s name.
What made me side-eye: Still Kitty! Particularly her dating Jake. Did we ever see them talk?
What I’m listening to on repeat: ”Womanizer” – fun song, great vocals.
What I’m looking forward to next week: Nudity in the McKinley High debates? I can’t even work up to being surprised. (Plus: Sarah Jessica Parker!)