And Bad Marley – who still doesn’t seem to see that Jake isn’t a one woman guy. This leads to some Meet/Cute later on in the episode at the bleachers, where they speak character exposition (ow) and banter (painfully), he gives her his jacket (awwww), and then they break into song (because this is Glee and we can’t have feelings without melodies).
It’s another mash-up, this time “U Drive Me Crazy” and “Crazy” by Aerosmith, a band which also has a trainwreck quality so you know – theme! Unfortunately these two are not characters yet, they’re templates from the CW School of Teenager Tropes and contain zero “quirkiness” factors. As Glee runs on quirk, they seem ridiculously out of place in this world, like they’ve wandered in from a remake of Seventh Heaven.
Maybe they just haven’t hit the good material yet. Or the actors haven’t busted loose to the full extent of their talent. I’m fully prepared to eat my words – but we’re running out of time.
I’m giving them a few more weeks to grow on me but they are swiftly sliding into fast-forward territory.
Back on the Brittany Tour, the choir room enjoys an odd but melodic acoustic version of “3” with Sam, Tina and Joe Who Really Loves Jesus. Joe has a song (albeit pretty inappropriate given his belief system – praise threesomes!) AND several lines this week, which is plenty. He is a perfect background swayer, bless. Tina, by the way, is looking absolutely gorgeous this year. Her wardrobe, hair and general appearance is mature, confident and sexy. Let’s hope her story lines this year get the same level of makeover.
Everyone is rocking out except Britt who seems to be spiraling and fast. She gets up in the middle of the song, walks to the corner and pulls out a shaver…because we’ve reached that self-destructive point in the collapse. Mr. Schue stops her from taking away the high pony forever (why have hair if you can’t pull it back until you develop a migraine?) and Brittany is gone, fleeing into the hallway.
Where Jacob Ben Israel – does he even go to McKinley? – is lying in wait and pounces like the heartless paparazzi he is. In full meltdown mode, Brittany isn’t in the mood for the press and proceeds to beat JBI with an umbrella while a seeming compatriot of Stoner Brett weeps “Just leave Brittany alone!” – it’s a perfect moment of absurd drama.
I also hope this is a life lesson for JBI as the entire student body watches him get his ass kicked and does nothing to help – except run video and snap photos. Life lessons, Jacob. Life lessons.
Blaine realizes that singing “at” Brittany isn’t working so Artie suggests they put her in the spotlight. Spoiler alert: Oh no guys. No. (If only there were some adults around to guide these kids!)