After last week, I’m not even sure what to expect from this episode. I feel like the Js are going to come to my house, steal my copy of Excalibur, do unspeakable things to it, then return it in the wrong case and file it out of alphabetical order. If you can give someone a side-eye from another continent, that’s what I’m doing. Think about that when you’re eating porridge at your cold bastard table in the morning, Capps & Co.
So. The episode. It opens on Elyan asking who stole his water. Gwaine burps in response. Off topic, but if you haven’t started following Eoin Macken on Twitter, you really should, if only so you can marvel over his stoned Charles Bukowski ramblings about thighs, hangovers, and urinals. Rupert Young has a Twitter account but doesn’t really know how to use it, Tom Hopper uses his to make fun of/be confused by Eoin’s long words, and Bradley James is a compulsive tweeter and deleter. None of them will ever be quite the Twitter troll Misha Collins is, but at the very least it’s funny to watch them handle the legions of “YOUR HAIR LIKE SUNSHINE I FOLLOW YOU ON STREET TODAY YOUR HOUSE IS NICE XXX” tweets. You can almost see their little D: D: D: DO NOT WANT faces through the internet.
Anyway, show. The knights all tease Elyan and toss around their little canteens of water like medieval versions of my high school football team until Arthur sees something weird through the trees and tells them to shut up. Colin Morgan, I hope on your vacation you spend some time with a dialect coach, because you and your English accent have completely parted ways. PS please get on Twitter. (PS please don’t because I would totally tweet you to say your hair was like sunshine and I followed you on street today your house is nice xxx).
The weird thing Arthur sees is a bunch of lines strung up in the trees with bits of cloth hanging off them. I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to think it’s creepy, but…laundry. Merlin says the place is a shrine and that in the Old Religion people built them to appease restless spirits. Man, if I were a restless spirit and somebody tried to appease me with that half-assed shit, I’d be poltergeisting all over the damn place. Merlin says they should get out of there because the place is cursed, but the knights just stand there staring at the socks swaying on the line with their mouths open. Finally a bird scares them and Arthur tells them to move out. Elyan, whose severe thirst has obviously made him dumb as hell, sees a well in the cursed area and decides he’s just got to have it. Sexy well. Irresistible well. He drinks from it and sees a dead kid in the reflection. The dead kid looks like Lukas Haas. Remember him? His two upcoming movies are called Crazy Eyes and Meth Head. Subtitle: Don’t Be a Child Star, Kids.
Back in Camelot, Merlin asks Arthur if he’s all right, since he’s staring off into space and hardly talked at all on the trip in the woods. Instead of bursting into tears and asking Merlin why he can’t just SEE from Arthur’s FACE that things are NOT ALL RIGHT like he clearly wants to, Arthur insults him and walks off so the other knights can cluster around Merlin and whisper furiously that he needs to be more sensitive in Arthur’s trying time of need. Gwaine tells them all to pour a little ring of salt by their beds to keep the evil spirits away, which apparently is news to Merlin. Really, Merlin? I was Wiccan for like two days back in high school and I knew that. Later Merlin tells Gaius about the shrine and Gaius says the shrines were built to ease the tormented souls of people who were killed so horribly they can never rest. Aw, somebody misses Uther.